A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
