So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I need a beard to bite.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
