Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
