i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
