By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
