im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
