i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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