its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
