Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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