You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
