Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
