ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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