I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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