I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
