Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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