Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
