When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
