I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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