meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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