She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The adults are the big ones right?
Someone signed my nipple.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize