I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
