the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
