Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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