He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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