It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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