sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
