You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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