Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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