when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You dont lie about slip and slides
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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