Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
