So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
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