we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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