I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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