I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
is it fun? or sober?
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