Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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