Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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