It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
