Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
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