I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
