I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
