OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
