I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize