So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
