Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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