we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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