I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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