I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
this just has baby written all over it
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize