Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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