he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
