Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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