Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
