That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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