You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
