I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
