If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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