he puts the penis in happiness.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
