cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
