i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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