you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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