My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize