Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
