I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
