dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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