A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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