you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You took a bar mat shot.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
