did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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