but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
